How to tip in a restaurant

Ok, today is a simple lesson. Some of you may think you already know how to do this. I'm sure you may have a few things to learn from this as well. Today's lesson is
HOW TO TIP IN A RESTAURANT

1. Recieve bill, check, whatever you want to call it, from your server. This should be easy, since you don't have to do anything but wait for it.

2. Look for the total amount of the entire meal. Usually, this is located near the bottom of the bill, maybe bolded to "pop" out at you, and it may be in a little larger text so you can read it better. Once you've found this, continue.

3. MATH PART!!!! Don't worry, no calculus (or even Algebra) in this. Just simply move the decimal over once to your left (my right), and then double that amount.

4. MORE MATH!!!! Now just add what you got for step 3 with the original amount you saw in step 2, and leave the total total amount for the server.

That's it!!! Now, this does have a few issues:

- if you used a coupon, got some discount, or whatever, make sure you take in account the money you shaved off. That is, do some more math, find out how much was taken off (the bill usually shows you), and add that to the total amount for step 2. It's not like those coupons made the food disappear. The cooks still cooked it, the food runners still ran it, and the server still had to make sure you still liked it. So please, DON'T FORGET THIS!!!!!! And then continue to step 3.

- there is also the factor of the server actually being good or whatnot. If there is a case where you feel you shouldn't tip the amount you got from step 3, simply subtract a reasonable amount (depending on how bad the service was), and leave that with the total. Easy.

- DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVER LEAVE NOTHING FOR A TIP! It doesn't prove anything. This just shows how much of a cheap bastard you are. If you want to show how upset you are, just leave a few pennies to really piss off your horrible server.

- if you do find yourself without enough money for the total AND tip, then you have two options:
1. Let the server know how good they were, and then explain how much of
an idiot you are for not bringing enough money to a restaurant.
2. Just stay home anytime you want to eat out. Seriously, you don't deserve
to go out and eat. Just do us all a favor, and stay home.



Well, that's that! With these few simple steps, even YOU can showoff your tipping skills in front of anyone (especially your server)! If you, for some dumb reason, don't agree with this whole spiel, then I don't ever want to see you sitting in my section. I will spit in your food. ;)